The Crazy World of Harry Potter
by daphnee
Summary: It's the gang's last year at Hogwarts. Mary-Sue and Gary-Stu have transferred, Hermione's hot and Draco's got himself into a fight. Craziness ensues! Please read and review!


**Disclaimer - Harry Potter ain't mine, okay?**

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The Crazy World of Harry Potter

_Summary – _Mary Sue and Gary Stu transfer from Salem Academy in America. They are dating. Draco likes Mary Sue and Gary gets angry. He tells Draco to meet him in the Dark Forest for a fight.

'Aarghh! My scar's hurting again!' a seventeen year-old Harry Potter shrieked. 'My scar! It hurts!'

His best friend Hermione Granger rolled her eyes. 'But Harry, you killed Voldemolt last weekend. How can it still be hurting?'

Harry paused for a moment to think about this. 'Oh yeah ... damn it, how am I gonna be an attention seeking prat now?!'

'I don't know Harry.'

Harry, Hermione and Ron Weasley were sitting on the train on the way to Hogwarts. It was their last year.

'I know!' Ron said, but before he could elaborate any further, their carriage door flew open, and in walked a tall, slim but curvy girl. She had waist length blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. She flicked her glossy sunshine hair over her shoulder and pouted, like she was doing a fashion shoot.

'Who are you?' Hermione said, looking her up and down.

'I'm Heaven. But you can call me Mary-Sue. I just transferred here from America. She sat on Harry's lap and said 'Aren't I just beautiful?'

'Uh ' Harry said looking rather startled.

'Do you love me?'

'Uh '

'What da hell!?' a loud gruff voice suddenly said. The carriage door flew open again, and standing in the doorway was a very tall, butch boy. He was dressed in a baggy basketball jersey, and baggy jeans that were down at his ankles. He had a green doo-rag on his head, and around his neck was a huge gold necklace adorned with diamonds. It read G-S. For no apparent reason, the music to _Stand Up _by Ludacris had started playing.

'Whatcha be doin' all over mah ho?' he asked, staring menacingly at Harry.

'Uh ... I was ... she –'

'Shut yo' damn mouth foo'! I'm gonna beat you down nigga!'

Harry eyes popped open in alarm. 'What?'

Heaven suddenly stood up. 'Oh you shut-up Gary. Harry's just a friend. Come on, let's go.'

'Aight baby. We be geeseing outta here den.'

The pair began to leave, when Gary turned around and said 'An if yo' ass dare come near her again, your stiff!'

After that, there was a brief silence in the carriage.

'Well ' Ron said. 'That was something.'

Suddenly, Hermione threw her book out if the window.

'Hermione!' Ron exclaimed. 'Your book! I thought you loved books!'

Hermione snorted. 'Please, they are like ... so geeky!' Hermione reached into a bag and pulled out a hair brush. In slow motion, she ran it threw her hair. Then she flicked her hair over her face and over her shoulder. Harry and Ron gasped in unison – Hermione's hair was now long and glossy, and she was wearing make-up. She looked like she had just stepped out of a fashion magazine.

'What do you think?'

Ron said 'Wow Hermione. You're really hot now!'

'I know. Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go look for a boyfriend.' She left the carriage, her hips swaying as she walked.

'Woah ' Ron gaped. 'You have got to help me get summa that!'

Soon, it was time for the great feast. Heaven was sorted into Gryffindor, and Gary was sorted into Slytherin.

'Yay! I get to be with Harry, my true love!' Heaven had shrieked.

After the feast, everyone made their way to their dormitories. Heaven was clinging onto Harry's arm, when Draco Malfoy caught up with them.

'Mary-Sue!' he shrieked.

'Ugh, what do you want Draco?' Heaven said. Harry wished she would loosen the grip on his arm. He wasn't sure if any blood was reaching it anymore.

'I think I'm in love with you!'

'Oh '

Out of nowhere, Hermione appeared. 'But Draco, I love _you!' _She flicked out her gleaming hair and batted her eyelids.

Draco was about to respond to this, when Gary and his crew appeared.

'Oh no I dun did not spot yo' ass mackin' on mah ho!'

'Huh?' Draco replied.

'You hurd me foo'. Me an' yo' ass, tomorrow nigh', da Dark Forest. I is fixin' t' whup' yo' ass down!'

'That means he's going to beat you up tomorrow night in the Dark Forest.' said Heaven.

'Oh ' Draco said.

'I gots'ta spot yo' ass dair den!' Gary said, and marched off with his crew.

After this, the whole school, who had been watching went of to their dormitories.

'HA!' Ron shouted. 'You gonna die tomorrow Malfoy!'

**So what will happen next? Will Draco die? Will Heaven ever snag Harry? Will Hermione be hot forever? I dunno ...**


End file.
